Name: Tara

Age: 47

Time TTC : 2 years

Diagnoses / Treatments: Cysts, Unexplained Infertility, Secondary Infertility, Miscarriage / Loss,

Strategies: Charting / Tracking, Fertility Drugs

My fertility story

We had our first child at the ‘drop of a hat’, what a surprise it happened so fast. In fact, he arrived so quickly I honestly thought ‘there is nothing to this’. Given our confidence, we decided to wait until we had recovered from the sleepless nights and had our lives a little bit more on track before we started trying for number 2. Then we had our second surprise. No baby. So we just kept trying. It wasn’t until 6 months of failed attempts, I had coffee with a friend. She asked me about the possibility of number 2 (people can’t help speculate). I explained that number 2 was wanted but not arrived. She gave me some straight advice. At the time I was 40 and she simply said, you don’t have time, you need to do something about it now. I realised as an older mum, it wasn’t going to be as easy as I first thought. Had I been younger I might have had time to give it a full year of trying before I sought help. My friend recommended a fertility clinic.

We made an appointment and discovered that, yes there was nothing wrong in any aspect except for a few small removable cysts, so it was deducted we had secondary infertility. Following cyst removal, our course of action was charting and tracking followed by an injection to ovulate at the correct time. Easy I thought, we know the egg is there, so if egg meets sperm it must be ‘in the bag’. But no, that failed. We moved on to a fertility drug and continued tracking. First attempt – no success. Second attempt – no success. We are starting to panic, we were told we only had three attempts before we should give up. The third attempt produced a pregnancy. Great news, or was it? Early in the piece, they told me ‘something is wrong, it is not developing properly’. It was an abnormal pregnancy and after a few weeks, I miscarried.

Emotionally we were drained, but somewhere there was a light because at least I could get pregnant. We took some time off to relax and wondered if we really needed a second child. Perhaps our boy made our family complete, we looked at all the benefits of 1. However, after a few months, we went back to the clinic and asked for one more go. We were not ready to give up, but we had moved our minds into a level of acceptance if it didn’t work. After all, I was 41, my eggs were clearly too aged and we did already have a child, I just needed to mentally move on. They allowed us one more round and we gave it our best shot, but with a more relaxed focus. When they told me I was pregnant and all was developing normally, I didn’t jump for joy. I was numb. I couldn’t let myself get too excited until I was really sure it was going to be OK. Also, I was so far down the road of thinking we were only going to have 1, I had to adjust my focus. Now we have a beautiful girl which we will never take for granted. Every day I feel lucky to have her.

The lowest point in my journey and what helped me recover from it

After I had the injection to ovulate, I thought it would be a no-brainer, I would be pregnant. When it didn’t work I realised that actually, it was my egg quality at fault. I realised I was on a longer road and I needed more perseverance. I focused on the fact that I still had more options and that kept me going.

Where I am right now in my journey

I am at the end of my journey. Fortunately for me, I now have a 5-year-old girl. I will never take that for granted.

What I learned from my fertility experience

Perseverance and hope. Also to be able to rationalise your situation to make the best of what you have.

If I had to start my fertility journey again: What would I do differently

I would look at a holistic solution which might include some relaxation and diet. None of these things were suggested to me and I certainly believe that having a more relaxed feel to my last attempt helped me.

My favourite resources about fertility (websites, books, blogs or articles)

I had three close friends going through a similar experience. We didn’t look too hard online but shared experiences together. They were very supportive.

What I would tell someone else going through infertility right now

Take a good look at your life and look at all the positive things in it. Feel lucky for what you have and relax about this journey.

My favourite inspiring fertility quote 

All I would say is …Live life for every day and be positive about what you do have. Rationalise your situation and be happy with yourself.