I was always scared. I would vomit because of nerves before every scan because of what I’d been through.Danielle
Time TTC: 6 months
Diagnoses / Treatment: Molar Pregnancy, Miscarriage/Loss
Strategies: Ovulation Charting / Tracking, Lifestyle Changes
My fertility story
We were very lucky to fall pregnant our very first try. I was excited to finally be a mum. Things seemed to be going normally, we had a dating scan around 8-weeks and saw its little heart beating. We returned 4 weeks later for my 12-week scan only to see the face of the sonographer and the screen that there was no heartbeat. All of a sudden my whole world, everything I wanted was taken. I remember saying to the sonographer “but my tummy is getting bigger, I can hardly do my pants up, I’ve been vomiting. How can I be feeling all these things and it’s not even there.
Then came the options, leave it to pass naturally, take a pill or book in for a D & C. My husband was amazing and took over asking all the questions. I couldn’t even hold a conversation let alone know what the right or wrong option was. I did know I wanted this removed as soon as possible and I was moving on. I feel as a person, I’m not one to dwell on things so having a D & C the next available day was the best option for me.
A few weeks after the procedure I received a phone call from the hospital telling me I had a partial molar pregnancy and I needed to return to the hospital for further blood tests. I had never heard of a Molar pregnancy and having this nurse told me over the phone, while I was at work after I was feeling normal and after I had moved on was just a smack in the face and a horrible way to drag it all back up again.
A partial molar pregnancy means there was a fetus but the placenta didn’t develop properly, so the baby would never survive. I would need to be monitored with weekly blood tests to ensure the hormone levels were going down. If the pregnancy was not completely removed the molar tissue can keep growing inside you with the only treatment being chemotherapy.
I was lucky I had chosen to have a D & C as it was never going to pass naturally. It’s like a mass that would keep growing, hence the normal pregnancy feelings I had at the 12-week scan. The weekly blood tests were gruelling, I had to sit in a room of pregnant ladies waiting for the results that I still was not pregnant nor could I get pregnant during this time.
If your hormones take longer than 6 weeks to return to normal, you are then monitored monthly and are advised not to fall pregnant for the next 6 -12 months.
My hormone levels returned to normal after about 6 weeks and I was finally given the all clear. We decided to try again right away.
Although I was given the all clear I decided to tell my family we had to wait 6 months. I just didn’t want to be taunted with questions or guessing games if I was pregnant again. Who knew how long it would take after my body had been through this.
Thankfully I fell pregnant again soon after, I was so excited, but I never felt safe, I was always scared. I would vomit because of nerves before every scan and playback in my head of what I had been through. It wasn’t until I had my baby home that I felt I was finally the mum I wanted to be.
The lowest point in my journey and what helped me recover from it
My sister and a friend were pregnant at the same time I lost my baby. Some of the conversations were hard as I should have also been pregnant. Of course, I was so excited for them both, but jealousy, sadness, and anger are horrible feelings.
Where I am right now in my journey
I have 2 beautiful healthy children and I couldn’t be happier.
What I learned from my fertility experience
I feel if there was anything I have gotten out of having a molar pregnancy is that you never know what is going on in people’s personal fertility journeys so be kind.
If I had to start my fertility journey again: What I would do differently
Start early, we try all our lives not to fall pregnant but you never know how long it will take. You may say I’m not ready, may it be financially or personally, but I feel you will never be ready. I know of far too many people who have suffered losses.
My favourite resources about fertility (websites, books, blogs or articles)
Mindfulness, take some time out for yourself.
What I would tell someone else going through infertility right now
You are in the right place. Find someone to talk to and walk the journey alongside.